


Something to Talk About

by kronette



Series: Circles in the Sand [4]
Category: Stargate SG-1
Genre: Bigotry & Prejudice, Episode: s03e10 Forever in a Day, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-03-06
Updated: 2014-03-06
Packaged: 2018-01-14 17:47:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,828
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1275406
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kronette/pseuds/kronette
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Fourth of four stories centering around "Forever In A Day". Each story is told from a different character's POV. The last is Jack, trying to find the words to say to Daniel.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Something to Talk About

I probably owe Carter something for this. Not sure what, but I don't doubt that she'll think of something. Probably embarrassing. More than likely public. 

That's not fair, Jacky-boy. Carter talked to Daniel and got him to talk to you. You should be grateful. I _am_ grateful. I just have a hard time with owing people. And I owe Daniel big-time for what I've put him through. I was a world-class jerk, but one that's had two days to think. I should have done more than report Krenkowski and had him transferred out of the SGC program. I should have talked to Teal'c about you and not just about him. Screw that; I should have just talked to you, Daniel. I'm afraid I opened my mouth and crammed my foot in, as usual. You're normally the one to talk my way out of a faux pas such as the one I created, but you were the target. I didn't have anyone on my side, defending me. And you felt as if you had to defend yourself, against someone you thought was part of your family. 

_Family_. You had to go and drop that bombshell on me, didn't you? I knew you were a tough team player, but I didn't know you played that dirty. I didn't even have time to react before you bolted. I did think of following you, but I was just so...not myself. I had way too much crap dumped on me in way too short a time. I got defensive. When I get defensive I lash out, usually at those least deserving of it. And you, my friend, were least deserving of all. For crying out loud, your wife just died. I know what it's like to lose a loved one. Do I. The pain is...terrible. You want to make the world stop and listen to you; to let loose with the feelings of helplessness and frustration, but there's no stopping. No slowing down. You just have to keep going and eventually, over time, you get better. Sometimes by yourself, but if you're lucky, you have friends to help you. Like you helped me see that killing myself wasn't the way to get over Charlie's death. And like I helped you kick the sarcophagus habit. Friends help friends. Unless they're blinded by other things. 

I didn't intend to go off the deep end, really. Honest. But I was already on edge and then you go and say you slept in Teal'c's _bed_ , all but challenging me to deny the rumors, and I lost it. Big time. You know how people say they see red when they're angry? I saw the whole friggin' rainbow and then some. 

I know you don't know a lot about my past assignments. Most of them are classified. But I had a guy under my command, once. Rumors started about him, like they did about you. I considered him a kid brother, a lot like I do you. 

They found his body two days after he was declared AWOL, swinging from a light fixture in a storage bay. Did himself in. Left a note saying that he was sorry he wasn't the soldier that I wanted him to be. Turns out those rumors were true. I put myself up to protect him and all I did was get him killed. I couldn't let that happen to you, too. I stood over this kid's grave and said 'I'm sorry', but how can someone be sorry for something like that? That was the last time I uttered those words. I swore I'd never say them again. They didn't mean anything. They didn't bring the kid back. They didn't make me feel better. I wish I could tell you about him, but I just can't. I can't bring myself to talk about him with anyone. That pain cuts deep and it's part of my make up. If I lost that pain, I don't know what I'd do. How I'd act. 

We're through the tent flaps and I swear this has been the longest walk of my life. Daniel's sitting down on the ground and I find a pile of carpets to sit on. I drop my dress jacket on the carpet next to me, thankful to be out of the blazing sun. Great, I can feel sand in my shoes. It's a distraction from the silence that's between us. All right Jack, you wanted to talk, so...talk to the man. But when I look at Daniel's face, all I can see is the anger and hurt that I've caused. Maybe I should start at square one. 

I clear my throat, drawing Daniel's attention. At least he remembers I'm still in the...tent. He focused on that bowl the second he sat down and has been staring at it a good five minutes. It's a nice bowl, I suppose, but I don't know why it's got him fascinated. Maybe the same reason my shoes are fascinating to me, right about now. It's something to focus on other than the silence. 

"The funeral," I hear my own voice begin, startling both of us. Well, I started this, I better finish it. What can you say about a funeral? "Was nice. Nothing too fancy. Sha're would've liked it." Now that sounded stupid, O'Neill. 

Daniel's not answering me and my guts twist. This was a mistake, Carter. He's not ready to talk to me. But then he does. 

"Do you remember when we first met the Abydonians?" 

My mind flashes back to getting pulled out of retirement, tossed halfway across the galaxy, watching over an academic geek...

His voice is real quiet as he reminds me, "You wanted to die." 

I close my eyes. Oh, yeah, and I was carrying around the loss of my son, blaming myself and wanting to end my life. Yeah, that, too. "You convinced me otherwise." It's the truth. 

"You trusted me then." It sounds like an accusation and a challenge all at once. 

Time to 'fess up, Jack. "I trust you now," I tell him and I hope I put enough conviction in my voice. 

I guess I did, because he turns and stares at me with those hurt, sad eyes. No one has a better 'kicked puppy' look than our Daniel. 

"Then why didn't you believe me?" 

He asks it in the quietest voice and it hurts me more than if he'd yelled. He's hurt. I hurt him. He trusted me and I blew it. Aw, Danny, I didn't meant for it to go this far; to get this bad. "I did believe you." But even as I say it, I hear myself adding, "Mostly. It's just that...well, you don't know what they were saying. I was trying to protect you," I defend myself. Great. Just great. I'm supposed to be helping Daniel and all I can do is go on the defensive. Get your act together, O'Neill. 

Snide words, completely foreign to the mouth spewing them, are dropped like stones and intended to hurt. "It's so heartening to know I have your complete trust." 

They hit their mark. Daniel's one of the easiest-going guys I've ever met, next to me. But he's always had this _thing_ about trust. He gives it freely. I believe it has to be earned and even then, I give it reluctantly. Way back to our first meeting, when he promised he could get us home from Abydos, I trusted him. That's when I found out just how good a liar he could be. Maybe liar is too strong a word. He honestly believed he could get us home. It never occurred to him that he would fail. It's one of the things that made me believe him; believe _in_ him. He's got that part of a soldier's mentality. It's the rest that's remained pure archaeologist; part discoverer, part diplomat, part negotiator. 

There are times when we sit and stare at each other, like now, when we both don't want to reveal too much. I know he's been frustrated with me, but he also understands me. He knows there are limits to what I'll tell anyone, or who I'll let inside. In a way, we're a lot alike. We're actually very private men. Teal'c, though, he beats all for privacy. Didn't know he had a family. Practically had to pull teeth to get that info. And it was almost too late to save his son. 

I don't want it to be too late to save Daniel. "We've had this issue with trust for a long time, haven't we?" I wait for Daniel to acknowledge me, then continue. "You know I don't trust easily. You trust too much. And somewhere in the middle is probably the best thing for both of us. But I can't change and I don't think you want to, either. So," Here we go campers, hang on, "The middle ground goes something like this: I trust you up to a point where your life is in danger. You trust me to tell you where that line is and haul your butt to safety. With me so far?" 

"I suppose so," he answers me, sounding uninterested, which means he's listening. 

"Okay, so I made a judgment call. A bad call about this rumor business. Let's just say that I have a bit more experience in the military rumor mill and know how fast it can spiral out of control. You weren't yourself and I didn't think you were able to rationally handle all the crap being said about you. I wasn't exactly rational myself when I talked to you." I try; I really do, but I can't get the words past my throat. I've trained myself too well. 'I'm sorry' doesn't exist for me anymore. 

He finally puts the bowl down and starts to play with his robe. The ends are frayed and unraveling. He's picking one thread and pulling it until it separates from the robe. You'd think that thread was the secret to the universe, with as much concentration as he's putting into it. I'm willing him to talk now. I've done all the talking so far and this is _highly_ unusual. You're the talker, Danny, so talk. Say something. 

"What were they saying, Jack? Would you care to repeat it?" 

Okay, say something _else_. "No." But then he finally looks up at me and I see the expression in his eyes. Damn it. This crap doesn't deserve to be repeated. "Someone said they saw you and Teal'c..." 

"Talking?" Daniel prompted, with impatience. 

I can't look at him. "Kissing." There. I've said it. I hope you're happy out there, Carter. I said this would be a bad idea. 

"Kissing." 

Bad idea. He makes it sound like a foreign word. Yes, the act of lips upon lips; keep up here, Daniel. 

He seems to be thinking it over. Not sure what he's thinking about. Either it happened or it didn't. And I'm pretty damn sure it didn't. 

"Where?" 

"Where?" Not what I was expecting. "In the corridor. Why? What difference does it make?" 

He fires another question at me. "Which corridor?" 

Which corridor? What's he going to do; analyze this to death? "Outside Teal'c's quarters. Early that morning." 

"Well, at least I know how the rumor started," he announces suddenly and my guard goes up. He's avoiding my eyes, now. "I bumped into someone coming out of Teal'c's room on the way to mine. All I saw was an army uniform. No rank; no face." 

I hope it was Krenkowski. That son of a bitch won't work anywhere near classified information again, I made sure of that. I won't think about if it wasn't him. It _was_ him. I won't accept anyone else on that base being a bigot. 

I can see the wheels turning in Danny's head and I'm starting to get uncomfortable. Carter probably told him about the _other_ rumors and it looks like that's next on the roster. He's working this out in his head before he speaks, for once. 

"Okay. If that's how the rumors about me and Teal'c started, how did the rumors about you and me start?" 

I never was one for half-finished jobs. If I told him one of the rumors, I might as well tell him all of the rumors. Oh, joy. "I don't know. I was sitting in the cafeteria trying to make the coffee drinkable, when this bozo comes up to me and asks if I'm jealous. 'Jealous of what?' I ask. 'Your boy and the alien,' the moron answers." 

"'Your boy?'" Daniel questions and he's in as much disbelief as I am. 

"I know. I know. It's the stupidest thing I've ever heard. So I say, 'Who are you talking about?' and he answers 'you and Teal'c'. So..."

Daniel holds up a finger to stop me. "Let me guess. He started describing the torrid scene of me and Teal'c kissing blatantly in the corridor outside his room, possibly in farewell from a night of hot passion and wants to know what you think about that and if you're going to fight to get back what's yours." 

"Pretty much, yeah." I can see how much this is hurting him. He didn't need this, not then and not today. "I was stupid, wasn't I?" 

"As usual," he spars back and I feel a little better. 

If he's willing to trade barbs with me, then that's good, right? It means he's letting go of his anger. That sounds like something Carter would say. I've got to learn how to drown out her psychobabble one of these days. "Hey, I'm allowed to make mistakes now and then, aren't I?" 

He's surprised. No, he's _stunned_. "Jack?" he asks, like he's not sure it's really me. 

"Yeah?" I answer. When he doesn't make any other attempt at speech, I say again, "Yeah? Daniel?" 

"Huh? Oh, sorry. I just never expected you to admit to making a mistake." 

I glance toward the tent opening before I whisper, "If you tell _anyone_ about this, I will withhold all archaeological finds from you for a month." 

His lip curls in a wry smile. "I wouldn't dream of telling anyone." His smile vanishes and he's back to picking at the robe. 

I get the feeling I've lost him again, somehow. "Danny, you okay?" 

He doesn't look so good. He's pale and his hands are shaking and I don't think it's from the heat. He looks like he's going to be sick. 

"Daniel?" 

Sound comes out of his mouth and I guess it's laughter, though it's a poor attempt. "Jack, I haven't been okay since you sent that box of tissues to me. If only you had been sooner. If only I hadn't insisted on being a stuck up researcher showing off my latest find, maybe we could have saved Sha're and Skaa'ra. Maybe we could have saved so many more." 

Crap, crap and double crap. He's been thinking of Sha're this whole time. "Daniel, stop that line of thinking right now," I blurt out as an order. I can't stand going through 'what ifs'. I did it for over a year; I won't allow him to fall into that darkness. It's too hard to climb back out of. "The attack would have happened, whether we were in that room or not. More people might have died. We might have all been taken prisoner and turned into Jaffa or Goa'uld. Don't play this game, Daniel. It's dangerous and doesn't lead anywhere but trouble." 

"And you would know, wouldn't you, Jack?" His tone isn't threatening, but he's not happy, either. "How did you stop?" 

I knew this was going to be hard, but I didn't realize how much I'd have to _tell_ Daniel. I'm not used to all this emotional talking-it-out crap. I'd much rather drown my sorrows in a beer. Or a six-pack. But I've come this far; I should go all the way. "I had help from a friend," I tell him and hope it'll be enough. He finally looks at me, _really_ looks at me and it's like he's seeing me for the first time. I think things are going to be okay between us. But then silence falls between us again and I don't know what to say. Thankfully, Daniel has never had that problem. 

"Would you have defended me?" he asks out of the blue. 

"Excuse me?" He's _looking_ at me and won't stop. "What?" I bark, getting exasperated. 

Wrong move. Daniel's been practicing his glare. "You heard me." 

"Yeah, I would've," I mumble, suddenly finding my shoelace incredibly interesting. I can still feel him staring at me. What's it going to take to get him off my back? "All right, all right, I freaking _defended_ you, okay? Happy, now?" My turn to glare at him. 

That's more like Daniel's old smile. "You did?" 

"Of course I did. You're my friend, aren't you? You didn't honestly think I believed in that military-fed crap, did you?" A blush creeps up his neck. Oh, this is too sweet. "Did you?" I prod, already knowing the answer. 

He gives me a partial shrug. "You were pretty convincing. I was really hurt, Jack." 

"I know, Daniel. I'm sorry." There, I've said it. It may never be said again, so I hope you appreciate it. 

Something in my tone must have clued him in, because he's got this awed look on his face usually reserved for old temples or archaeological junk we find off-world. The next thing I know, he's crying again and I have no clue what to do. He's got his head turned away from me before I can form a plan. Damn it, Carter's better at this emotional stuff than I am. I get up - ignoring my half asleep leg - and walk over to Daniel. I kneel by him and place my hand on his shoulder, much like Teal'c did for me when we thought we lost Carter to Jolinar. Just his presence was enough to calm me down and let me focus and I hope it has the same effect on Daniel. 

He wipes his face a couple of times, then all but shrugs me off. "You don't have to stay here, Jack. You're free to go anytime you want." 

Where in the hell did that come from? "I didn't come to Abydos to relieve my sense of guilt," I argue. That earned a glare. "Okay, a teeny, tiny part of me did, but I'm not sweating in the sun out of a sense of duty to a teammate. I'm doing it for my friendship with you." I think that's the most I've said to him about our friendship in three years. By the look on his face, I guessed right. 

"Thanks, Jack. That means a lot." 

"You're welcome, kid." I ruffle his hair before he can pull out of my reach. I grin at his scowl. 

He tries to pat his hair back in place, all the while staring at me. "You don't like talking about your feelings, do you?" 

I have but one thought for that statement: _Duh_? "I'm more an action type of guy." 

He nods, like he's confirming something. "You done good, Jack," he announces as he pats me on the shoulder. 

I get the feeling he's still trying to convince himself of something. "Hey, I just wanted to clear the air between us. No bad feelings. Right?" 

"Right." 

If that's true, then why am I getting the feeling he's holding something major back? "Daniel? Is there something you want to tell me?" 

He's debating. These internal dialogues of his must get pretty tiring. "Actually, yes, but I'd like Sam and Teal'c to hear it, too."

"Not a problem. They're probably hovering," I raise my voice, "Right outside the tent." 

The tent flaps stir and I grin as Carter and Teal'c are framed in the sunlight. Carter's glancing between me and Daniel and I swear her eyes are going to fall out from the frantic movement. "Sir? May we come in?" 

I wave them in. "Sure thing, Carter. Teal'c."

Carter stands off to the side, looking unsure where to go. Teal'c just stays by the door. "Teal'c, you can come further inside." 

"I am sufficiently within the structure, O'Neill," he announces. 

Daniel coughs on a laugh and Carter's inspecting the roof of the tent. Great. No one told _me_ it was pick on the Colonel time. "I can see that, Teal'c," I say sweetly. "Perhaps you would care to sit your keester down on a lovely carpet arrangement?" 

He tilts his head and raises his eyebrow - typical Teal'c answer. "I am fine." 

"Excuse me." Daniel's gotten his coughing under control and he's got a serious expression on his face. 

Okay. Levity out; serious business in. 

"The thing is, I have a lot I want to discuss with you guys, but I don't want to do it here. But I don't think I'm ready to go back to the SGC; not yet."

Carter reminds him, "We've got another day of stand-down time. We can stay here with you, or head back to Earth. How about a movie? There were some new releases I wanted to check out." 

I can't let that one go. "You just want to check out Gibson's butt." 

"I do not!" she protests, with the cutest blush on her cheeks. Gotcha, Major. 

Daniel seems to have missed our witty repartee. He's looking at all of us, with that lost expression on his face. Like he doesn't quite belong. I've got to find a way to get rid of that look. "I'm afraid I won't be very good company." 

Time to bring the mood back up. "I doubt I'd notice." Carter shoots me a glare. "I just meant..."

Daniel's turn to interrupt, stopping both me and Carter from continuing. "I know what you meant, Jack. And I appreciate it...I think." He glances at all of us again. "If you really don't mind." 

"We don't mind," I say firmly as I haul myself to my feet. Carter nods and Teal'c...stands. But he hasn't protested, so I'm guessing he's game. 

Daniel gets to his feet and he's a bit unsteady. "Okay. If you're sure." 

" _Yes_ , we're sure. We'll grab some movies and pizzas on the way to my place. Daniel, take as much time as you need to get ready. We'll just be trying to inconspicuously blend in with the locals until you're ready." 

Now there's the genuine Daniel smile that's been missing. I can't help but smile back. "Thanks, Jack." 

"You're welcome, Daniel." 

Teal'c holds the tent flap open as Carter, Daniel and myself step through. I slip my shades back on as I catch an eyeful of the Abydonian sun. I watch Daniel walk over to Kasuf and I can't help but feel better. I've got my team back; the rest of the world can wait.

The End

**Author's Note:**

> My earliest draft of these stories is dated July 2000. The last time I looked at them was 2004.


End file.
